Note to self

It's early hours like this that make my thinking either all the better or all the darker.

Another night lost to the hopeless anxieties of an 18 year old college boy twink with no idea where he's going in life. Or at least that's how I like to think of myself as. I'm not too sure what it is I strive for in this lifetime I mean, so many thoughts have passed through my mind and yet how many have I truly been able to hold onto? I remember when I was younger and things were so much more easy to accept. I was easy to accept the fact that my parents were having another child. That my mother had fallen in love again. That life lead me to sneaking out the basement window driving around in the brisk nights hoping for something to wake me up inside.

The idea of an awakening. Now that's something worth my time. It is said that "It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life" Or something along those lines (thanks 12&12) or at least that what the program has taught me. I am to shed my skin of addiction to be born again, almost like a christian, and to open my strung out eyes to a world that will forever shine. Which I suppose is true. But I feel like there's got to be more to life then the one time overcoming.

I dream of traveling the world.

In search of my true awakening.

Perhaps my satisfaction lays under the sands of Egypt.
Perhaps under the covers shared with the man of my dreams.

No matter how much I itch to get out of this skin the only thing I can really tell myself seems to be:

Breathe.

1...
2...
3...

"It's not about the don't(s). It's about the do(s)."

So.

Instead of tossing and turning or staring out that dusty window I refuse to clean, DO something.

After all, aren't I so much better living like a human doing and not a human being?